Ok, in truth, it hasn’t QUITE been 114. But let’s just say Katherine Heigel’s got nothing on me (except for a higher tax bracket and legs for days). My point is, I’ve been to enough weddings to know a thing or two on how to survive that blessed (or dreaded) day.
The day you witness two of your closest (and most annoyingly in love) friends say ‘“I do” to a lifetime of happily-ever-afters and vague booking their arguments. Bottom line, you need some help to get through this oh so happy day. Read on for my strategy on how to survive the romance (and maybe get some for yourself).
DON’T LOOK LIKE AN AMATEUR:
Let’s get some of the basic wedding etiquette out of the way in case this is the first time you’re attending a wedding and not sitting at the kiddie table (congratulations, no more crayons!).
Date or No Date? That is the Question:
The short answer is probably not. Unless you have a significant other that’s been in the picture longer than your newest pair of heels, chances are you probably weren’t given a +1. Check who that fancy paper invitation was addressed to and if it’s just your name with no “and guest” then consider yourself going solo for this one. This usually isn’t a big deal if you know other people attending the wedding. Chances are you’ll all be seated together and you’ll definitely have someone else to commiserate with as you judge all of the out of town guests on their sloppy Macarena moves.
Bride Tested, +1 Approved:
That gold-leafed invite granted you with a partner-in-crime but didn’t specify who it had to be. So who do you take? Well, if you’re in a serious relationship you’ll probably want to bring the significant other. Chances are a good wedding will put you in the mood for love and you’ll both appreciate having your sweetie available for a PDA approved make-out session in the dimly lit corners of the ballroom.
If there’s no one serious in your life and you still want to bring a buddy for support, consider bringing a friend to laugh with instead of a random to grind with. You’ll have a far more memorable night hanging with someone you’re already comfortable with and knows how to have a good time than that guy from your spin class you’ve always wanted to see out of the bicycle shorts.
All the Single Ladies:
If you are that out of town guest who doesn’t know anybody then this is your chance to pull a classic Romantic Comedy move and snag a hottie (or at least get your drinks covered for the night). To make an impression on the other singles prowling the scene, just be the cool girl at the table.
This obvs shouldn’t be a stretch for you but here are some tips: Talk up your bestie, the Bride or Groom. Everyone is in that room because they love one-half of the couple getting married, so use that common ground to your advantage to break the ice. Once you have the chit chat covered you can share a few drinks – – but don’t get messy. YOU don’t want to be the person that Whipped her Nae Nae too cray cray and took down two great aunts and a cousin on the dance floor.
Be Tender to the Bartender:
Depending on the happy couple and their love for the spotlight, some wedding receptions can drag through the ceremonious speeches, special dances and awkward toasts. Sometimes a girl needs a little bubbly to get through those tugged heartstring moments of the daddy/daughter dance (damn you “Butterfly Kisses”).
All the more reason to make friends with the mighty bartender early in the night. Let them know that you’re friends with the Bride and will make sure she’s well imbibed all evening. Also, tip well. You can be the best conversationalist in the world but nothing does the talking better than crisp dollar, dollar bills, y’all.
Come Packing (Snacks That Is):
This is especially true if you’re a picky eater or showing up to a reception that is serving a specialty cuisine. Don’t get caught gagging on that vegan faux-duck-in-“cream”-sauce because you’re starving. Sneak in a few protein snacks like packaged nuts or granola bars to get you through those “interesting” courses (and line your stomach for a night of drinking).
The Beauty of the Bridesmaid:
If you’re a bridesmaid in the wedding then your work started months ago. Hopefully, you helped pick out beautiful and flattering bridesmaid dresses that would make any beauty blush in pictures. Now it’s the day of, and your biggest job is just to be there for your friend on HER day.
She may go a little Bridezilla on you but guess what – you have to take it. THIS is the job. Not the throwing of the bachelorette party or standing in the pictures on the golf course. No, your job is to be the recipient of all the crazy the day of so that her husband-to-be will still marry her and make your problem HIS problem for all eternity.
You can fend off some of the crazy by being prepared. Have a “bridesmaid survival kit” at the ready complete with such nifty life savers as individually wrapped fabric stain removers (Shout it out, girl, we got you), a sewing kit, a wine bottle opener and straw for the bride (cuz things get real in that dressing room). Most importantly have that wedding planner on speed dial in case Bridezilla wants to make a run for it (or you need another bottle of rosé).
Whatever role you play in the wedding, just remember it’s not your day. You’re the Destiny’s Child to her Beyonce and she’s about to light it up on that stage. So stand strong, play your role and take notes. Someday soon you’ll be the Bride and then you can pay them all back.